Fic Round-Up 2025

Jan. 9th, 2026 09:20 pm
kat_lair: (Default)
[personal profile] kat_lair
***

Better post this now before this year's fics start appearing...

Well, I did not manage my [community profile] getyourwordsout goal (largely because after Tricks I just stopped writing for six weeks) but I did reach total of over 100k though only 57k posted on AO3. I also passed 500 works on AO3 and in 2026 I will almost certainly pass 1 million words. 


Fics published in 2025 by Fandom:

(I've only provided AO3 links cos I'm lazy, but all are readable on DW too, let me know if you'd like a link. My AO3 is locked for users only but if anyone needs AO3 invites please let me know, I have plenty)

American Idol RPF
Trial (Kris/Adam, G, 100 words)

ATEEZ
Whispers (Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa + Park Seonghwa/OMC, G, 100 words)

방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS

First Spark (Namjoon/Yoongi, G, 100 words)
Metamorphosis (OT7/ambiguous relationships, G, 544 words)

Being Human
Home (Mitchell/George/Annie, T, 100 words)

Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher Entertainment
Awkward (Ryan/Shane, G, 100 words)
Better the Demon You Know (Ryan/Shane, M, 6422 words)

Cobra Starship
electric dreams (Ryland/Alex, G, 100 words)

Doctor Who

Mercury Lane (Tenth Doctor/The Master (Simm), G, 1134 words)

Enola Holmes
Courting (Un)Conventions (Enola/Tewkesbury + Sherlock/John, G, 837 words)

Fall Out Boy
Price (Patrick/Pete, T, 100 words)

Firefly
Grow Together (Kaylee/River/Simon, G, 501 words)

Given (Anime)
Second Chance (Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki + Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka, T, 5517 words)

Guardian RPF
Closer (Bai Yu/Zhu Yilong, T, 2072 words)
no finer details than yours (Bai Yu/Zhu Yilong, T, 905 words)

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Choice (Gretel/Hansel, T, 100 words)

Harry Potter
A Kiss (Bellatrix, M, 100 words)

The Hobbit
Together (Fili/Kili G, 100 words)

K.A.R.D (Band)
like what you (don’t) see (Matthew Kim | BM/Kim Taehyung | J.Seph + Kim Taehyung | J.Seph/OMC, G, 720 words)

Life on Mars
Boiling Point (Sam, G, 100 words)
Year of the Cat (Gene/Sam, G, 2111 words)

The Lost Boys
Flashback (Michael/Sam, T, 2553 words)

MCU
Shatter (Bruce/Tony, T, 100 words)

My Chemical Romance
Dribble (Gerard/Frank, E, 1142 words)

Original Work
climbin’ up to reach your land (OMC/OMC, T, 3291 words)
(i’ma) make a move (OFC/OFC, T, 2789 words)
Tribute (OFC/OMC, T, 2059 words)

Panic! at the Disco
Mismatched Magic (Ryan/Spencer, G, 100 words)
safe landing (Ryan/Spencer, G, 1035 words)

Person of Interest
Ruin (Finch/Reese, G, 100 words)

Primeval
Celebrate Tonight (Nick/Stephen, G, 1295 words)

SEVENTEEN
Thorns (Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, G, 100 words)

Stargate Atlantis
Midnight Tea (Teyla, G, 100 words)
Protector (Lorne/Sheppard, T, 2248 words)

Star Trek: Alternate Original Series

Antigen (Kirk/Bones, T, 2111 words)

Stray Kids
Summoned (Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, G, 100 words)
when to fold’em (Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N + Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, M, 1392 words)

Supernatural
Struggle (Sam/Dean, T, 100 words)
Veil (Bobby, G, 100 words)

Wheel of Time

Architect (Rand/Elayne, G, 163 words)
Burgeoning (Nynaeve, G, 100 words)
Patience (Bair & Egwene, G, 191 words)
Vernal (Aviendha, G, 737 words)

The Witcher
The Winter of Our Contentment (Geralt/Jaskier, T, 4581 words)

阴阳师 | Yīn Yáng Shī | The Yin-yang Master
(Movies - Guo Jingming)
touch me slow, touch me sure (Bo Ya/Qing Ming, E, 8984 words)

***

Meme Question

Leitmotifs of the year:
- Return of the Drabble
- Is This Original Fic I See?
- Old Fandoms, New Fandoms
- Gifting Things

Most popular story:
By every AO3 metric: The Winter of Our Contentment, because The Witcher fandom is still active af apparently.
Observation 1. This was the year I archive-locked all my fic and the overall drop in hits, kudos and comments compared to last year has been noticeable. Why are people still relying on reading without an account when the invite codes are relatively easy to get?
Observation 2. The second most popular fic by hits is Dribble which is a filthy pwp. I'm amused by the difference between the kudos to hit ratio between this and The Winter of Our Contentment, ~10% vs ~27%, which suggests that many people are apparently reluctant to make it known that they read and liked filthy porn. Which is hilarious to me. Baby, this is fandom, let go of your shame. 

My best story this year:
Metamorphosis for the theme. Better the Demon You Know and Protector for the world-building. when to fold'em and Vernal for the voices. Mercury Lane for the sense of place. Antigen for the concept. climbin' up to reach your land as a personal favourite.

Hardest story to write:
I struggled with the ending of the climbin' up to reach your land quite a bit. Emotionally speaking, probably Metamorphosis.

Easiest story to write:
Most of the drabbles I wrote in one sitting, often one after another, and it was good to get back to that instant sense of accomplishment. like what you (don't) see I wrote in one sitting too after being smacked by the MV. Year of the Cat was also a quick write. And Second Chance came out pretty quickly under deadline pressure. (i'ma) make a move was a fun breezy fluff piece.

Story most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion:
Ugh, idk... Metamorphosis? But like it was never going to get a lot of attention given the theme and the ambiguous relationships. Maybe climbin' up to reach your land as I think it would appeal to anyone who's into incest-ships. Tribute has a bad ass female war general. Just saying.

Most fun story to write:
I had fun with a lot of the drabbles, but especially Awkward, Together, Mismatched Magic

Fluffiest story:
Mismatched Magic, no finer details than yours, Year of the Cat (kittens! scampering!). Actually The Winter of Out Contentment is pretty damn fluffy, seeming as it's essential 4,5k of huddling for warmth. Erm, okay, safe landing. (i'ma) make a move is cotton candy. Fuck, listen, fluff and angst are like my bread and butter.

Most angsty story:
*points above* But maybe Metamorphosis takes the win here too we it's high on hurt, thin on comfort. Special mentions to Whispers, Veil, Shatter, electric dreams, like what you (don't) see, Antigen (though has a hopeful ending)

Sexiest story:
For outright porn, Dribble. For slow burn and an extended, gentler sex scene with touch starvation and first time feels, touch me slow, touch me sure

"Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story:
Ehhhh *waves hand* Idk, there were some morally grey fics (when to fold'em) and plenty of incest (Flashback, Choice, climbin' up to reach your land, Struggle, Grow Together) but maybe A Kiss. For the sadism.

Biggest Disappointment:
As always, not finishing some of the longer wips, or poetry really though I did get back to that a little bit. I stopped writing entirely for about six weeks after losing Tricks, and I'm not like disappointed about that per se, just acknowledging that it happened and I'm still slowly coming back.

Biggest Surprise:

I did not expect to a) write in an anime fandom and b) for that to go as well as it did, so for Second Chance to get into a fourth place of 'most popular' was fun to watch. Writing as much Original Fic as I did.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

Idk, nothing where I brought clear receipts... Wait, wait, I did, sort of, for Celebrate Tonight. (no, not for that!). I also don't think I wrote anything particularly unexpected. Ooooh Kat likes power dynamics! What a surprise...

Best summary?

I've used a quote from the fic as a summary for almost every single one this year so mostly what's left is this:

In which Akihiko decides that Mafuyu and Ritsuka need role models for a healthy relationship. You know, because he's such an expert on the topic. Somehow, this becomes Haruki's problem.


Best First Line - I refuse to pick just one )



Best Last Line? - Lines. LineSSSS )



Favourite line/passage of the year? - sorry not sorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy )



Story I haven't yet written, but intend/hope to:

I've signed up for [community profile] getyourwordsout with the same goal (150k) that I failed to reach this year, largely because I love their spreadsheet an unholy amount. I'm hoping to finish and post some of the longer wips, either the ones I'm writing alone, or the numerous shared stories with [personal profile] dreamersdare and I want to get some of the Unmarked Place fics (bandom bdsm au co-written with [personal profile] pushkin666 ) to AO3. I'm currently just playing around with [community profile] fandomtrees fics.


***

Friday Word: Eucatastrophe

Jan. 9th, 2026 10:19 am
calzephyr: MLP Words (MLP Words)
[personal profile] calzephyr posting in [community profile] 1word1day
Eucatastrophe - noun.

Coined by J.R.R. Tolkien in his essay "On Fairy-Stories" (1947), which is in-turn based on a lecture from 1939, is a word to describe a miraculous turn of events in a narrative. You could even say it's a word that avoids catastrophe ;-D The "eu" prefix is from the Greek word for "good".

Eucatastrophes are often swift and unexpected, such as the Prince waking Snow White or the One Ring falls into Mount Doom.



runpunkrun: Dana Scully reading Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space' in the style of a poster you'd find in your school library, text: Read. (reading)
[personal profile] runpunkrun
This book is very silly. It's like creepypasta with floor plans.

But it's briskly written and quickly read. And unique, if that counts for anything. What it isn't is scary, suspenseful, or atmospheric. Read this if you enjoy troubling floor plans and baseless speculation, or if you want to see what all the fuss is about. Probably best on paper so you can reference the floor plans on the facing page.

Contains: murder, suicide, child abuse, child death, incest, ableism, polygamy.

Fandom Snowflake Challenge #5

Jan. 9th, 2026 09:24 am
reeby10: closeup of a blue snowflake with a dark grey background and the words fandom snowflake in the upper left corner in white and blue (fandom snowflake)
[personal profile] reeby10 posting in [community profile] snowflake_challenge
Introduction Post * Meet the Mods Post * Challenge #1 * Challenge #2 * Challenge #3 * Challenge #4 *

Remember that there is no official deadline, so feel free to join in at any time, or go back and do challenges you've missed.

Fandom Snowflake Challenge #5 )

And just as a reminder: this is a low pressure, fun challenge. If you aren't comfortable doing a particular challenge, then don't. We aren't keeping track of who does what.

Snowflake Challenge: A warmly light quaint street of shops at night with heavy snow falling.

podcast friday

Jan. 9th, 2026 06:51 am
sabotabby: a computer being attacked by arrows. Text reads "butlerian jihad now. Send computers to hell. If you make a robot I will kill you." (bulterian jihad)
[personal profile] sabotabby
I've been steeped in work hell (which is just not letting up) so I haven't really caught up with DW or formulated anything more than a wish for [REDACTED] to happen to every single ICE agent and [REDACTED, replaced with screaming into the void] in general, but in the meantime, podcasts gonna podcast I guess? Honestly that's where I get my news because the mainstream media has either fallen for the lie of objectivity or just reports on things so shallowly that it's unclear as to whether things like gunning down a mother in her car as she tries to get away or kidnapping the leader of a foreign country are actual crimes or just "controversial."

Anyway.

Today I have a new podcast for you, AI Skeptics, with Cathy O'Neil and Jake Appel. Cathy O'?Neil wrote the fantastic (and still very relevant) Weapons of Math Destruction, so I was very interested in what she had to say about AI. Neither of them really come off as Professional Podcasters but the content of this is excellent and both they and their guests are insightful. "AI Versus Artists and Educators ft. Becky Jaffe" is the most recent one and most relevant to my interests.

It should be noted that folks on the podcast are skeptics rather than professional haters like me, so there's occasionally a use case, 90% of which I still disagree with. But it's an important and intelligent discussion, and the episodes are quite short and accessible.
mekare: a smiling Missy (DW Missy)
[personal profile] mekare posting in [community profile] drawesome
I'm currently updating my Neocities art site again and found two artist webrings that I thought would be of interest:

Neocreatives Webring - this one has grown so big (500+ artists) that it now functions as a directory.

Adult Artist Webring - this is MUCH smaller but I'm glad those artists have found a way to connect on a new platform after being kicked out almost everywhere.

Editing because I found a new interesting link via this post by [personal profile] katzenfabrik:

The rise and fall of internet art communities.

Reading that article made me thankful we have this space here.

Just One Thing (09 January 2026)

Jan. 9th, 2026 08:02 am
nanila: me (Default)
[personal profile] nanila posting in [community profile] awesomeers
It's challenge time!

Comment with Just One Thing you've accomplished in the last 24 hours or so. It doesn't have to be a hard thing, or even a thing that you think is particularly awesome. Just a thing that you did.

Feel free to share more than one thing if you're feeling particularly accomplished! Extra credit: find someone in the comments and give them props for what they achieved!

Nothing is too big, too small, too strange or too cryptic. And in case you'd rather do this in private, anonymous comments are screened. I will only unscreen if you ask me to.

Go!

innocuous

Jan. 9th, 2026 12:00 am
[syndicated profile] merriamwebster_feed

Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day for January 9, 2026 is:

innocuous • \ih-NAH-kyuh-wus\  • adjective

Innocuous describes either something that is not likely to bother or offend anyone (as in “an innocuous comment”), or something that causes no injury, or is otherwise considered harmless (as in “an innocuous prank”).

// The reporter asked what seemed like an innocuous question, but it prompted the candidate to storm off, abruptly ending the press conference.

See the entry >

Examples:

“Strong solar storms can be dangerous for astronauts in space, and can cause problems for GPS systems and satellites. ... But solar storms can also have more innocuous consequences on Earth, such as supercharged displays of the northern lights.” — Denise Chow, NBC News (online), May 15, 2025

Did you know?

Innocuous is rooted in a lack of harm: it comes from the Latin adjective innocuus, which was formed by combining the negative prefix in- with a form of the verb nocēre, meaning “to harm” or “to hurt.” It first appeared in print in the early 1600s with the meaning “harmless; causing no injury,” as in “an innocuous gas,” and soon developed a second, metaphorical sense used to describe something that does not offend or cause hurt feelings, as in “an innocuous comment.” Innocent followed the same trajectory centuries before; its negative in- prefix joined with Latin nocent-, nocens, meaning “wicked,” which also comes from nocēre. This is not to say that nocēre has only contributed words that semantically negate the harm inherent in the root: nocēre is also the source of noxious and nuisance.



brightly_burning: (Default)
[personal profile] brightly_burning posting in [community profile] flashexchanges
A Hand in the Hole is a semi-flash exchange focused on fisting, hosted on AO3. Matching is on fandom, medium, ship, and freeform.

Collection | Tagset | AutoAO3App

Schedule:
Tag Nominations Open: January 3rd @ 6 PM CST
Signups Open: January 5th at 6 PM CST
Noms & Signups Close: January 12th @ 6 PM CST
Works Due: January 19 @ 6 PM CST
Works Revealed: January 19 @ ~6 PM CST
Creators Revealed: January 22 @ 6 PM CST

Work Minimums
Fic: 300 words
Art: Nice sketch

Drawing Challenge #75 - Romance

Jan. 9th, 2026 02:05 pm
mific: (choc-strawb)
[personal profile] mific posting in [community profile] drawesome
Deep pink banner with clusters of red and pink hearts and challenge text.


Challenge #75: Romance


It's been a heady, romantic holiday season for some of us in fandom, so the first theme of 2026 is ROMANCE! You can draw characters from a romance, or put characters from any fandom, or no fandom, into a romantic situation. Or you can draw and paint anything connected with romance, whatever that means to you - like an anniversary, gifts, or a romantic memory. Make it as schmaltzy as you like, or as tragic and angsty, and don't forget "enemies to lovers", and other romance tropes! ❤️

The challenge will run through February as well, to cover Valentine's Day.

A round-up post for submissions to this challenge will be done at the end of February.

mific: (palette)
[personal profile] mific posting in [community profile] drawesome
arty banner with December in text


December and 2025 are over, and we'd love to have you check in and chat with us. How have things been with you this past month? This past year?

Did you sign up for or take part in any fandom activities in December, or have you been working on any personal art projects? Are you currently trying to meet a deadline? Feel free to share upcoming art challenges that have got you excited, any frustrations you've been experiencing, possible goals for the next month, and so on.

The Firebird

Jan. 8th, 2026 10:50 pm
extrapenguin: Northern lights in blue and purple above black horizon. (Default)
[personal profile] extrapenguin
Didn't, like, actually go to the ballet, but I wanted to see the Firebird and uhhhh good luck seeing that outside of Russia. So I turned to YouTube, and found this recording, in all its 360p glory. It's a short ballet, less than 50 min long, and the music is by Stravinsky.



As for who performed it, well, I also found this recording of what looks to be the same production (with more close-ups) that says it's from the Bolshoi Ballet.



This one (same props etc) claims to be Mariinskiy, though. It also has more pixels if you absolutely require 1080p. They made some changes to where the Firebird is during the bit where Ivan is taunting Koschei with the egg which I don't like (in the original, the effect is that she's really enjoying it; the revision, not especially).




Pingu, I do not ballet; plz give synopsis
The Firebird: woman in red
Ivan Tsarevich: dude in red
Tsarevna: of the women in white, the one with the special costume
Koschei the Deathless: evil sorcerer dude with the staff

Ok so. Ivan is a prince, going to this enchanted wood (either to hunt the Firebird, investigate WTF is going on, or just to hunt). There, he sees the Firebird by golden apple tree and manages to capture her. She struggles to free herself, but he prevails. Then he realizes that the Firebird cannot live in captivity, and he sets her free. As thanks, she gives him her feather, with the promise that if he wields it, she will return.

Next it is dusk and thirteen princesses, captives of Koschei the Deathless, come to play with the golden apples of the tree. Ivan enters and has a Moment(TM) with the youngest, Tsarevna; they fall in love. Then trumpets summon the princesses back. Ivan wants to follow but is warned off. (The wall has a bunch of dudes who tried and were turned to stone.)

Of course our heroic prince doesn't care and opens the gates, setting off 198751834 alarms and all of Koschei's demons come at him. He fights some off before being subdued. Koschei himself then appears and tries to turn Ivan into stone. Ivan, in the nick of time, summons the Firebird.

The Firebird knows exactly what to do. She saves Ivan and makes all under Koschei's spell dance until they're exhausted and fall asleep. Then she tells Ivan the key to Koschei's immortality: he has his soul hidden in an egg that is hidden in a box.

Ivan, of course, immediately sets out to get this box. He gets out the egg, waking up Koschei, and taunts him for a moment before making the omlet.

Final scene: the warriors from the wall have been de-petrified, and reunite with their lovers, the twelve princesses. Group wedding! Ivan and the Tsarevna appear and also get married. They open the gates and walk away from the forest.


Anyway! I really like the Infernal Dance section, but also just the Firebird herself. She's sharp and powerful and her language of motion is so completely different from all the "classic" ballet protagonists that I can't help but love her.
sovay: (Sydney Carton)
[personal profile] sovay
Now that we are back in the swing of the year, my days are marked by doctors' appointments. I preferred being outside the calendar. I did dream briefly and unexpectedly of Alexander Knox, playing one of those harrowed, abrasive, obdurate figures on the other side of some internment or imprisonment that made me think he would have been anachronistically great as E. T. C. Werner. Have some link-like things.

1. John Heffernan falls into the category of actors of whom I have somehow become very fond without actually seeing all that much of them, which normally happens with character faces in the '40's. I am unlikely even to see his latest project, the freshly announced Amazon TV version of Tomb Raider, but since his character is described in the promotional dramatis personae as "an exhausted government official who finds himself tangled up in Lara's unusual world," it's nice to know I would almost certainly develop a disproportionate attachment to him if I had the chance. You can tell I am otherwise a solid generation of actors behind the times since I was impressed by the casting all in the same place of Jason Isaacs, Bill Paterson, Celia Imrie, Paterson Joseph, and Sigourney Weaver.

2. This song transfixed me a few nights ago on WHRB: Barbez, "Strange" (2005).

3. I meant once again to praise the Malden Public Library for ordering me a sun-bleached, peach-orange, jacketless first edition of Leslie Howard's Trivial Fond Records (ed. Ronald Howard, 1982), about whose selected nonfiction I have been intensely curious since discovering its existence in 2008, but the problem with reading some of the broadcasts he made for J. B. Priestley's Britain Speaks in 1940 is that one runs into passages like:

Democracy today, to survive at all, must be as militant as autocracy, and what the world is desperately in need of now is not the gentle, philosophic democracy of Jefferson, but the outspoken, militant and ringing democracy of Roosevelt, representing the righteous anger of the free people of the world aroused against the cynical arrogance of the totalitarian feudalists.

Snowflake Challenge #4

Jan. 8th, 2026 10:56 am
snickfic: (snowflake)
[personal profile] snickfic
Challenge #4: Rec The Contents Of Your Last Page. Any website that you like, be it fanfiction, art, social media, or something a bit more eccentric!

We all know about Connections and Wordle, but here are some browser games that last longer and are great for keeping from going insane during Zoom meetings:

2048 Cupcakes. I still play 2048 in times of need, but it's so much more fun with colorful cupcakes.

Squares. If you like word games, here you go. Find all the words in the four by four grid. The dictionary this game uses is highly idiosyncratic, which can be frustrating; how is THIS a word that counts but THAT is only a bonus word?? But it does add to the challenge!

Venezuela

Jan. 8th, 2026 12:16 pm
aurumcalendula: gold, blue, orange, and purple shapes on a black background (Default)
[personal profile] aurumcalendula posting in [community profile] thisfinecrew
It looks like there were two bills regarding Venezuela introduced yesterday:

H.Con.Res.68 - To direct the removal of United States Armed Forces from hostilities within or against Venezuela that have not been authorized by Congress.

https://www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/house-concurrent-resolution/68

and

S.3595 - A bill to prohibit the use of funds for the deployment of United States military or intelligence personnel in Venezuela for certain purposes.

https://www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/senate-bill/3595


(I saw the AP mention that a war powers resolution to limit further attacks on Venezuela advanced in the Senate, but I'm unclear if that referred to either of these)

ETA (1/9/2026): I think this is the resolution mentioned by the AP:

S.J.Res.98 - A joint resolution to direct the removal of United States Armed Forces from hostilities within or against Venezuela that have not been authorized by Congress.

https://www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/senate-joint-resolution/98/
katiedid717: (Default)
[personal profile] katiedid717 posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
My Grandchildren Don’t Thank Me for Christmas Gifts. Is This a Moral Failure?

My grandchildren are in or nearing their teenage years. Two are from my son and his wife, and two are from my daughter and her husband. Of course, all children love and, to some extent, expect birthday and Christmas gifts. My daughter-in-law and her children continue a tradition of giving me handmade greeting cards every Christmas. They also always send me handwritten thank-you cards for the gifts I send. However, I receive no gifts from my other grandchildren, both boys, and never thank-you cards.

I mentioned this to my daughter, their mother, but there was no response. I suggested that each might give me a card promising 30 minutes of picking up sticks in my yard. I know that gifts should come from the heart with no sense of reciprocity, but the current situation bothers me. There seems to be a lack of moral character being demonstrated, as well as poor ethics and manners.

What do you think?


From the Therapist: You’ve framed your grandsons’ behavior as a case of bad manners or moral failure, but I hear a yearning underneath. No matter how much we tell ourselves that gifts aren’t about reciprocity, the reality is that they often hold emotional significance in which both parties are essentially asking to be recognized. The giver wants acknowledgment of their thoughtfulness and investment, while the receiver wants confirmation that they’ve been truly seen. Both are essentially asking, “Do I matter?”

When we don’t feel seen or appreciated, hurt feelings can disguise themselves as something else, like concern about good character or proper etiquette, because it’s easier to push pain outward than to say, “I feel unimportant to you.” But remember that children take cues from their parents, and I have a feeling that this lack of acknowledgment has more to do with your daughter than with her sons.

For instance, you mentioned that you got no response from her when you brought this up. But instead of telling her what her children should do for you, I’d be curious about why she doesn’t facilitate gift-giving or thank-you-note-writing. I say “she” because most teens don’t do this without some parental prodding, and I imagine that your daughter has her own feelings about your relationship that are being played out in the gifting dynamic.

Maybe gifting between you and her family feels empty or performative, when what she really wants is a different or more meaningful relationship with you. It could be that she perceives you as critical of both her and her sons, demanding of something that she doesn’t feel she or they owe you. She might also find your suggestion that the boys pick up sticks for you as a bit thoughtless: Would it make you happy to ask her children to do something that would feel more like a burdensome chore than something they would actually enjoy giving you?

Meanwhile, you say that your “daughter-in-law and her children” give you cards and write thank-you notes, but I noticed you don’t mention your son. It’s nice that your daughter-in-law has created traditions for her kids around gifting, but this doesn’t mean that her children have stronger characters than your daughter’s children do. It just means that the person your son married facilitates gifting and thanking — and that your son and your daughter don’t.

So what might help? First, separate your hurt feelings from judgments about character. You can feel unappreciated without that meaning that these boys are being raised poorly — or that this is primarily about them. Second, consider what you actually want. Do you want thank-you notes, or do you want to feel more connected to and valued by this branch of the family? If it’s the former, you could issue an ultimatum (no thank-you notes equals no gifts), but I don’t think forced statements of gratitude are what you really want. If you want genuine connection and appreciation, you can start by approaching your daughter with curiosity instead of complaints.

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